What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
