For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
