Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
