I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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