16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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