ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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