i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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