why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
