its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
