Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
me + whiskey = a bad person
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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