as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
