So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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