It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
