I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
