his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
