I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
