I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
