Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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