Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
