I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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