u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize