Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?