yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
