We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.