i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...