Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
