You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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