your parents love me but you hate me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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