we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
