dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
