When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
