A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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