I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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