how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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