already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
