she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
