College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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