Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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