I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
