So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
