I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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