in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
