I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
