sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
