420 ftw
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
