I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pants are for mortals
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
