All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
