He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
