Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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