My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
