I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
