That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
