Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
