I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
