I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
