bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
