We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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