I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
