Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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