so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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