my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
