Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
