Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
