I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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