you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize