I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
