So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
