East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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