I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
