dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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