I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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