Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
